Last Sunday my pastor talked about being in "God's waiting room." Boy did that hit home, but in an unexpected way. Since August of last year I have felt clearly from God to, "Wait and Pray." For what, I have no idea. The unexpected part is that I got an answer to a prayer that I haven't had any answers to so far. I am sure some of you have heard me say that I feel like there is nothing I'm working for; like this is the first time in my life that I haven't been working towards something big. It’s an unfamiliar place to be in, even uncomfortable at times. The thing I have been wrestling with lately is not the unfamiliarity of it because it’s fairly familiar now, but if it’s okay for me to just be content in my waiting. A lot of times in my quiet moments I've found myself thinking about how happy I am and wondering if it’s okay or if there is more. Is it okay to be content in the now, while not working for more?! I didn't for the life of me know, and funny thing is that I had to realize that I didn't need to know the answer before God placed a concrete answer in my path.
Vicariously through the talk on Sunday I got my answer in a nonchalant way. It's okay to be content just not idol in my waiting. If I just let the waiting become a time of sitting around than I will be in this mindset for a long time. I won't change and in turn won't change the world. I will remain as I am right now, maybe with a few changes learned from life experience. Being in the waiting room is not about being idol it’s about preparation for God's journey for each individual. I can't move forward in my own God gifted journey until I grow and learn in my waiting. I am by no means good at this waiting, I am impatient and stubborn but I can say that I am learning. I will continue to learn from God and get to know Him. And someday my waiting will be finished and then...
I do know that if I continue to choose to faithfully move forward I will reap the benefit of drawing closer to the heart of God and creating a lasting friendship with Him. If I don't, and choose to be selfish; which I am, a lot; because I think what I am doing is better, I'll continue to be disappointed in myself and by others. Honestly I haven't yet taken my learning seriously up to this point mostly because I am scared of what will change. What if I'll lose friends, my job, my church, mostly my family and myself? Then again who am I to know what is best! Some days I can barely tie my own shoes and yet I am a daughter of the Most High who cares for my concerns more than I do.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"
-Psalm 27:14-
