azed flight attendant, caring for your safety in a crash; not a pretty picture. Anyway, me driving home, tunes rollin; a song starts about being too late to capture the princess' heart because the prince didn't cherish her the way she deserved. So this of course starts me thinking about a topic that has set up residency in my brain since I was six years old (I kid you not about begin six when my developing brain noticed that first blue eyed, blonde haired little boy from across the playground and proceeded to chase him in a successful race to catch and kiss him.). Which brought me to a recent discussion with my best friend about how much we are both very sick of men acting stupid, when they're not really that stupid it just feels like they have a fear of...whatever eccentric thoughts cross their minds when they think of relationships. And also how worthy we are of begin pursued but we let ourselves fall for idiots who take us for granted, than get bored, and ultimately leave us feeling mystified about the truth behind their idiosyncratic idea of love. All this in turn took me into thoughts of a future marriage. Intimidating. I have been thinking about it because I am almost 24 and have no significant relationships that would ever be considered worthy of long term. And now I look back on those previous relationships with the male gender and am sorely disappointed with the effort to cherish my heart. All in the same breath I can say I am so grateful they didn’t sweep me off my keester because most of them suck; yes suck, majorly and though their ages range from 20 to 30 they all need to grow up! So now giving serious thought to the type of marriage I want and although I have been taught that marriage is a partnership created by God not just loving another person, I lost sight of that. It’s like begin in the fog in San Francisco where you can kind of see your surroundings and when you find a clear object, you focus on that because it’s easy and less threatening. That’s when the big picture gets tunneled into fear. I think marriage is wonderful; something I have longed for all my life and now it’s something I am willing to wait for because I want someone who will help me with my faith. Not just someone who will love me because I take his breath away but because he wants to seek God with me. Had I ever thought about how it isn’t just about them or the physical attraction, I probably would not have been so eager to be with them or even worked so hard to get their attention. The harsh reality I am coming into contact with over and over is that these guys weren’t interested enough to hold out and work for it. Ouch. Back in college an old friend and I had a song called, “Holding out for the Hero.” Recently he emailed me and ended his email with something similar, he told me to, "hold out for that hero". And as much as that was a reference to our past friendship it was a comment to be patient. Annnd as much as I listen very little, if at all to what this old friend says, it’s from a heart that cares for me and I do want to hold out. Marriage is coming someday, period. That’s it, there doesn’t need to be more analysis or excuses for why I can’t trust God to bring about the thing he knows that I’m longing for the most.31.1.09
Self Talk.
On my way home from work today; listening to sweet, sweet country tunes rolling from my radio, just driving for the sake of driving; not really in a hurry to get home; I had some deep thoughts. Just to give background to my deep thought moments and to bare an embarrassing but extremely laughable trait I seem to forget in public; when I have a deep thought that I want to work out, I talk to myself...out loud, with my hands and facial expressions too. Now in a car it's not bad because it most likely just looks like I am talking on a hands-free cell, but on the rare occasion that I am walking around town or as I found out today sitting in my jumpseat on the plane, I will start this "self talk," until it occurs to me people might become curious of my mental health. Not a particular trait I want to be associated with especially in my career. Can you imagine having a cr
azed flight attendant, caring for your safety in a crash; not a pretty picture. Anyway, me driving home, tunes rollin; a song starts about being too late to capture the princess' heart because the prince didn't cherish her the way she deserved. So this of course starts me thinking about a topic that has set up residency in my brain since I was six years old (I kid you not about begin six when my developing brain noticed that first blue eyed, blonde haired little boy from across the playground and proceeded to chase him in a successful race to catch and kiss him.). Which brought me to a recent discussion with my best friend about how much we are both very sick of men acting stupid, when they're not really that stupid it just feels like they have a fear of...whatever eccentric thoughts cross their minds when they think of relationships. And also how worthy we are of begin pursued but we let ourselves fall for idiots who take us for granted, than get bored, and ultimately leave us feeling mystified about the truth behind their idiosyncratic idea of love. All this in turn took me into thoughts of a future marriage. Intimidating. I have been thinking about it because I am almost 24 and have no significant relationships that would ever be considered worthy of long term. And now I look back on those previous relationships with the male gender and am sorely disappointed with the effort to cherish my heart. All in the same breath I can say I am so grateful they didn’t sweep me off my keester because most of them suck; yes suck, majorly and though their ages range from 20 to 30 they all need to grow up! So now giving serious thought to the type of marriage I want and although I have been taught that marriage is a partnership created by God not just loving another person, I lost sight of that. It’s like begin in the fog in San Francisco where you can kind of see your surroundings and when you find a clear object, you focus on that because it’s easy and less threatening. That’s when the big picture gets tunneled into fear. I think marriage is wonderful; something I have longed for all my life and now it’s something I am willing to wait for because I want someone who will help me with my faith. Not just someone who will love me because I take his breath away but because he wants to seek God with me. Had I ever thought about how it isn’t just about them or the physical attraction, I probably would not have been so eager to be with them or even worked so hard to get their attention. The harsh reality I am coming into contact with over and over is that these guys weren’t interested enough to hold out and work for it. Ouch. Back in college an old friend and I had a song called, “Holding out for the Hero.” Recently he emailed me and ended his email with something similar, he told me to, "hold out for that hero". And as much as that was a reference to our past friendship it was a comment to be patient. Annnd as much as I listen very little, if at all to what this old friend says, it’s from a heart that cares for me and I do want to hold out. Marriage is coming someday, period. That’s it, there doesn’t need to be more analysis or excuses for why I can’t trust God to bring about the thing he knows that I’m longing for the most.
azed flight attendant, caring for your safety in a crash; not a pretty picture. Anyway, me driving home, tunes rollin; a song starts about being too late to capture the princess' heart because the prince didn't cherish her the way she deserved. So this of course starts me thinking about a topic that has set up residency in my brain since I was six years old (I kid you not about begin six when my developing brain noticed that first blue eyed, blonde haired little boy from across the playground and proceeded to chase him in a successful race to catch and kiss him.). Which brought me to a recent discussion with my best friend about how much we are both very sick of men acting stupid, when they're not really that stupid it just feels like they have a fear of...whatever eccentric thoughts cross their minds when they think of relationships. And also how worthy we are of begin pursued but we let ourselves fall for idiots who take us for granted, than get bored, and ultimately leave us feeling mystified about the truth behind their idiosyncratic idea of love. All this in turn took me into thoughts of a future marriage. Intimidating. I have been thinking about it because I am almost 24 and have no significant relationships that would ever be considered worthy of long term. And now I look back on those previous relationships with the male gender and am sorely disappointed with the effort to cherish my heart. All in the same breath I can say I am so grateful they didn’t sweep me off my keester because most of them suck; yes suck, majorly and though their ages range from 20 to 30 they all need to grow up! So now giving serious thought to the type of marriage I want and although I have been taught that marriage is a partnership created by God not just loving another person, I lost sight of that. It’s like begin in the fog in San Francisco where you can kind of see your surroundings and when you find a clear object, you focus on that because it’s easy and less threatening. That’s when the big picture gets tunneled into fear. I think marriage is wonderful; something I have longed for all my life and now it’s something I am willing to wait for because I want someone who will help me with my faith. Not just someone who will love me because I take his breath away but because he wants to seek God with me. Had I ever thought about how it isn’t just about them or the physical attraction, I probably would not have been so eager to be with them or even worked so hard to get their attention. The harsh reality I am coming into contact with over and over is that these guys weren’t interested enough to hold out and work for it. Ouch. Back in college an old friend and I had a song called, “Holding out for the Hero.” Recently he emailed me and ended his email with something similar, he told me to, "hold out for that hero". And as much as that was a reference to our past friendship it was a comment to be patient. Annnd as much as I listen very little, if at all to what this old friend says, it’s from a heart that cares for me and I do want to hold out. Marriage is coming someday, period. That’s it, there doesn’t need to be more analysis or excuses for why I can’t trust God to bring about the thing he knows that I’m longing for the most.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment